Right in the Middle, but Left Out by Jeffery Trees

BIOGRAPHY

I am a husband, a father, a grandfather, son, brother, uncle who is loving, kind, compassionate, understanding, and a fun human being. I went to a very small grade school of only 13 in my class. I went to Shelbyville High School, Indiana and started singing professionally at the age of 14. I was called into the ministry in 1966 and went on to Asbury College being the first man to be allowed to be a applied voice major. The first week at Asbury I represented Asbury at the National Music Teachers Association. In 1969 I transferred to the University of Indianapolis with a major in Drama and Speech with a minor in English. After graduating from college, I was married to a very special woman and enrolled at Christian Theological Seminary. I am a ordained United Methodist Pastor, counselor, mentor, playwright and composer.

After 23 ½ years of marriage and ministry I discovered my wife was an incest victim which had a great impact upon everyone who loved her and especially within the family structure. I started a support group for husband of wives who were sexually abused as a child. Trying to find support and understanding was extremely difficult to find. Not even the hierarchy of the United Methodist knew how to respond to my wife, children and to me. Instead of focusing my anger on my wife and children, it was focused on the church hierarchy. Incest is one of the sins no one wants to deal with or even talk about. How could I serve a church that never really ever minister to me and my family, especially when we were supposed to be supported as a Covenant group of clergy. I learned I was paid to be good as a pastor, but I needed to know I was good for no other reason than to please God.

SYNOPSIS

This story is about my former wife, my children, and me. It is a heartfelt journey through I believe to be one of the worst sins. Surely everyone knows what is like to be right in the middle of life, people, experiences, and yet you feel left out. Some people can be in the middle of thousands of people and look around and still know they are alone. When issues that are so taboo no one gains the proper amount of knowledge. If we ignore how the issue of incest we will never be whole and complete.

Incest has power over all of us. It is more common than we would ever believe and more than likely you know several women or men who have had to endure it. Is this the reason some people drink, do drugs, have affairs, can’t find joy and who can never know the meaning of love? The way they see things is out of focus and they don’t know the meaning of being normal. Many people will gain a whole lot of weight to hopefully help them to not be attractive to others or they will have an eating disorder to make them less desirable. Most of them will dance with anger more than any other emotion.

Boundaries are blurry if not nonexistent. They have had been robed of there innocence and what it means to truly be loved by anyone. Some incest victims only know of love through the unfortunate ways they have been shown love sexually. Too many times they are wonderful people but never see themselves as people of value and worth.

Every occupation known to human beings has people who are either victims or abusers and sometimes they are both. Some cover it up so well, no one would expect. I know doctors, attorneys, pastors, counselors, police officers, teachers. They can be straight, gay or anything they profess to be. Great people who are hurting and angry because of what was done to them as children sexually.

There is hope! It has been my experience that when any of us are feeling we are right in the middle but left out we have nothing to loose so through the right guidance we will be able to be more open to the possibility of God. As they used to say in war, there are no atheists in a foxhole. God has the ability to make the worst thing that ever happen to us into the greatest lesson we have ever learned. Every person is of great value and worth. It is not the circumstance we are presently in that defines us but how we get through that circumstance shows the world there is hope.